Flash #14

Ellen has come to visit Mac at his apartment.

“Okay if I come in?” she asks.
“Ah geez, sorry,” Mac says honestly embarrassed that he's left her standing in the doorway. “Come in.”
Ellen sheds her coat and boots and walks into the living room.
“There’s soda bread and coffee in the kitchen,” he tells her. “Sheila has it all going.”
Ellen’s face falls a bit as she turns to Mac.
“Oh, see?” she says, “I’m interrupting your visit with her. That’s why she left mad. Oh Mac, I should go.”
“No!” he says too quickly, but he is encouraged when it makes Ellen smile.
“How about until she is done with shoveling the steps,” she offers.
“Fair enough.”
Ellen gets a slice of bread and joins him on the coach.
“I wanted to come and see how you are,” she tells him, crossing her legs underneath her. She looks cozy on his couch, like she belongs there, and it makes Mac’s head swim a little.
“Oh, you know – fine,” he says, unsure if it sounds believable.
“Justine told me she was gonna call. Did you talk to her?”
Mac nods and takes a long draw from his coffee to stall for more of an answer.
“What did she say about coming back?” Ellen asks, “I mean, I know she wants you to take your time…”
“But you know Justine. She can be pretty relentless too. Trying to social work me.”
Ellen smiles, “What did she do?”
“Set a date, Sugar,” Mac says, imitating Justine’s light Southern cadence that seems to come out especially when she is trying to be soothing. “It’ll be good for you.”
“She’s trying to mother you a bit,” Ellen offers.
“I got enough mothers,” Mac replies, a little sharper in tone than he meant.
Ellen’s expression changes. “Ouch,” she says.
“No. I didn’t mean you!” Mac says and nothing could be truer. “I just can’t seem to do it – set a date I mean, and the more she pushes the weirder I feel.”
“I don’t think she means to do that, Mac.”
He nods a reply, then looks across the couch at her. He drinks his coffee instead of reaching out to touch her knee, only inches away. “How’s the girls?” he asks.
“Oh fine, I guess. They’re with Charlie right now. He’s working a lot these days and the girls are pretty put out about it. Well, Theresa at least. She is at that age when it is all about Daddy,” she tells him. “How ‘bout you and Sheila? I bet she’s crazy about you.”
Surprisingly, it makes heat rush to Mac’s cheeks. “Well, she’s an only child and only really remembers us being divorced. I guess I spoiled her some – so who wouldn’t want to go to Daddy’s when he hasn’t got a clue how to say no?”
It makes Ellen laugh. “I bet Jo loved that. She seems like she takes absolutely no shit.”
It feels confusing to him, the compartments of his life leaking into one another. “You met Jo too?”
“Mac,” she says, still smiling but looking a little concerned, “You told me to call her when it happened.”
It, Mac thinks. Let’s just use that name from now on. No need to say stabbing ever again.
“Right,” he says, but it comes out sounding like a whisper.
Without any warning, Ellen put her hand on his leg and makes all the blood in his body rush that exact spot. He can’t lift his eyes to look at her.
“I’m so sorry,” she whispers, but he can hear the swell of emotion behind it. “It’s so confusing to me when I try and remember," she tells him. "It must be a hundred times worse for you.”
“Really, I just remember that it hurt,” he says, trying to muster a smart-ass grin.
“If you want to talk about it, I will,” she says. “I mean…I can’t really talk to anyone else about it. Nobody really gets it. I mean…how I feel.”
“How do you feel?” he asks right away.
Ellen looks him in the eye, her hand still touching him. “Lost,” she says. “Scared.”
Mac feels tears well him and the shudder of panic. He swallows it all back and looks down. They both hear Sheila close the door downstairs and head up the steps.
“I better go,” Ellen says, getting up and quickly wiping her eyes.
“You don’t have to,” he says.
Ellen smiles warmly at him. “She wants her time with you and I don’t blame her.”
It makes Mac’s heart feel as if it might fight its way out of his rib cage.
"Come back some time," he tells her.