Flash #20

Ellen has already crossed the Longfellow bridge before she looks in the rear view mirror and sees the car seats still in the back, the car seats Charlie will need if he is going to pick the girls up from day care. With a string of curses she is acknowledges she is closer to Charlie's studio than the daycare center so she heads towards A street.
Busy wrestling the car seats up the old factory steps, she is leaning against his studio door catching her breath before she hears yelling coming from inside. Goosebumps instantly rise up on her arms and neck. Inexplicably, she is sure Charlie is in danger and pulls the door open without knocking. Her appearance in the doorway makes Bing and Charlie fall silent, but everything about their posture, how close they are standing, make it clear that they are in the middle of an argument.
“Is everything alright?” she asks.
The two men stare at her for a moment in disbelief, but then Bing breaks the silence. “What’s the answer, Charlie?” he demands.
She notices that the color is leaving her husbands face and that he might even be in physical pain. It makes a flash of panic fly through her
“What happened?” Ellen whispers.
“If you don’t tell her,” Bing suddenly yells,“I will! You call my bluff and see what happens.”
“Fuck you Bing,” Charlie yells back. “Get out of here!”
“No!” Bing spits back, leaning forward hard. “I’m staying until I hear you say it.”
There is a silence in which the only sound Ellen can hear is a voice, perhaps her own and in her head, pleading, Don’t say it. Don’t say it. Don’t.
Charlie turns away from Bing and faces her. “Bing wants me to tell you…that I’m involved with someone.”
Air escapes her lungs. “What did he just say?” Ellen asks Bing.
“He’s having an affair, Ellen,” Bing reports, his voice suddenly thin.
Ellen notices that the feeling is leaving her fingertips.
“And you knew?” she stumbles. In her head she has an image of flipping puzzle pieces to their picture side. She has to see all the picture sides before she can assemble them.
He nods, looking close to tears.
“How long?” she asks Bing.
“I found out for sure last week,” he replies, and then dips his head, “but I’ve been suspecting it for a while.”
“Huh,” is all she seems to be able to say in response. She finally turns to Charlie who looks positively grey now.
“So…how long Charlie?” she asks.
“A while,” Charlie answers quietly.
“Oh for chrissake!” Bing explodes. “Don’t make her ask it again! How long?!”
“Bing why the fuck are you still here?” Charlie shouts back.
“I’m not!” Bing yells. “I’m outta here!”
“I hope you don’t think you’ve got a job to come back to,” Charlie hisses as Bing grabs his jacket.
“Oh no!” Bing shrieks in mock horror. “Not work for the great Charlie Marris?” He heads towards the door. “I wouldn’t have pushed this hard if I had wanted to work for you anymore. You fucking cliche,” he mutters. “I’m sorry Ellen,” he says as he walks past her.
Ellen lets out a laugh to everyone’s surprise, including her own.
“Don’t apologize to me, Bing,” she adds.
He looks at her one more time before quickly slipping out the door.
She is acutely aware of being alone with Charlie now. Her hands are completely numb. Ellen knows she should have something in her head to say for such an occasion, but nothing will come. She looks at Charlie for some kind of cue. His arms are crossed in front of his chest and his expression has changed. The color is returning to his cheeks and it is hard to miss the fact that he doesn’t look worried. He doesn’t even look sorry. It occurs to her that he looks as if he could be waiting for a bus.
“How long Charlie,” she finally asks.
“Since October,” he says.
OctoberNovemberDecemberJanuaryFebruary, she thinks. Five months?
“You’re good,” she says.
“What?”
Ellen forces her shoulders to shrug. “Bing found out last week. I didn’t know,” she says. “You’re good at lying.”
Charlie shifts his weight and puffs out a breath.
Ellen honestly doesn’t know what to do and her brain won’t help her. She doesn’t know what to ask next -- although she is sure there is some question she should nail him with. She watches Charlie instead, who continues to shift his weight back and forth. Thank goodness he has the decency to show a little uneasiness.
And then the question finally comes to her. Such an epiphany, she let out a sound of astonishment before asking it. “Oh! Who is it?”
Charlie hesitates, but only for a moment.
“Stephanie,” he answers.
“Stephanie? Stephanie who is married to Jerry?” she asks.
Charlie nods.
Ellen takes a breath and doesn’t seem able to exhale. Her heart is racing, but she realizes it has never slowed since she walked in from the hall.
Stephanie, she thinks. She was in my house at the Christmas party. She ate my food. She sat her ass down on my furniture. Ellen can picture her with Jerry and their little boy, Marco.
“Does Jerry know?” she asks.
“No.”
What does he have against Jerry? He’s such a nice guy. What does he have against me for that matter? This is a bizarre dream.
“So, this is going on?” Ellen says still pushing her brain to limp to life. “I mean, I don’t hear you saying it’s over.”
Charlie sighs again and looks completely inconvenienced by the question.
“I don’t know Ellen,” he answers wearily. “I suppose it’s still going on.”
“What does that mean?” she demands, some fight finally starting to creep through the shock.
“I mean – I’m sure this will change everything. Jerry will need to know too now.”
“Oh Jesus Charlie!” she yells. “Sorry to put a cramp in your sex life. I mean – fuck – it is his wife you’re screwing! It’s the least you owe the guy, don’t you think?”
Charlie runs his hands through his hair and then over his face. He turns his back to her and wraps his arms around his torso.
“I’m sure you won’t believe me, but I didn’t intend to hurt you.”
“You told me in January that you didn’t want to lose me!”
“And I don’t," he says. "I mean, truth be told…this isn’t even about you.”
“Ooo let me guess,” she hisses, “It’s about you.”
“Yes…it is.”
“What a fucking shock! Everything’s about you, you Shit! I didn’t intend to hurt
you? Bing’s right – you’re a fucking cliche!”
“Okay, Okay...take your swings – I expected it.”
“Expected it? How about deserve it Charlie? God don’t fucking patronize me on
top of this! Don’t you dare!”
“What do you want me to say?”
“How about: I’m sorry – forgive me – I’ll never see her again! What do you think,
you Shit?”
“Everyone stumbles sometime Ellen.," he says, turning finally to face her. "You’re not perfect yourself.”
“What the fuck is that supposed to mean?”
“You and Mac,” he shoots at her. “You think I don’t know about that?”
“You don’t know anything! I haven’t done anything with Mac.”
“Oh come on Ellen. I’ve seen the way you look at him and where the hell have you been the last couple of Saturdays? Fluffing up his pillow?”